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The Yarn Spinner

Category : Distractions

I remember the Yarn Spinner only vaguely. She didn’t call herself that, but I gave her the name at some point between then and now, when my recollection of her was more clear. The title just felt right. She didn’t simply tell stories; she spun lush yarns, all the while smiling broadly, her wild eyes flashing as she drew us in, like lambs to the slaughter.

She’s something of a mythical creature to me now. If you were to tell me she only really existed in some fevered dream, I probably wouldn’t argue. That feels about right, too.

I was in fourth grade at Carver Elementary when I encountered her. Sometime after lunch, our teacher ushered the entire class to the library, where we joined a roomful of other students, all sitting on the well-worn carpet, under which might have been the hardest concrete known to man. In the center of the crowd, the Yarn Spinner sat upon a rickety wooden chair, and she looked out over the children and grinned and greeted us in a syrupy voice.

And then she launched into the first of her stories.

She spun at least four yarns, and I’ll admit I only remember bits and pieces. Something about the way she told her tales — the cadence of her words — caused them to slip beneath my conscious register.

One of the stories concerned the Devil and how he asked riddles of a child whose soul he wished to claim. His questions always began with, “On the week you were born, on the day you were born, on the hour you were born, on the very minute you were born …” Every time Old Scratch posed a question, he went through this litany. And each time, the child would answer correctly, foiling the Devil’s plans.

“YEEAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!”

The Yarn Spinner shrieked in her Devil’s voice when the child answered a question. The cry took us all by surprise, and we jumped and gasped and screamed and giggled. The first time the Yarn Spinner shrieked, the girl sitting next to me scrambled to her feet and scurried for the door. The teacher herded her back with a minor scolding. The second time the Yarn Spinner shrieked? The girl ran for the door again.

The Yarn Spinner told another story about a boy who loved playing the fiddle, and he wanted nothing more than for the world to hear. He found a spot atop a hill where his music would echo across the valley, but he was warned the hill was infested with rattlesnakes. Ignoring the warnings, he climbed the hill and — sure enough — found himself surrounded by venomous snakes. As he started playing his fiddle, though, the snakes were enchanted by the sound and could do him no harm. In the end, he accidentally dropped his bow, and as he reached down for it –

You guessed it.

“YEEAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHHHH!”

The story ended. And the girl who had been sitting next to me was nowhere to be found. The only sign of her escape was the slowly closing library door.

The Yarn Spinner struck me as something of a magician, and her stories were like spells. She charmed us the same way the fiddle player charmed those snakes. And she could make us dread her words or feel joy or run for the door at her whim.

Mighty potent magic.

To this day, I think about the stories — the yarns — I heard that day. I daydream about them, trying to put them back together. My own short story, “Nothing Lives Under Rattlesnake Hill,” was obviously inspired by her tale of the boy and his fiddle. I imagine fragments of the Yarn Spinner’s stories have worked their way into much of my own work.

The Yarn Spinner taught me the power of words and the force of a tale well told. She’s right there with me every time I sit down to write something, watching over my shoulder with those wild eyes, whispering to me in her syrupy voice.

And I only hope I the yarns I spin manage to capture a bit of her magic.

By the way, if anyone knows anything about the folktales I mentioned in this entry, I’d love to hear from you. Maybe she made them up herself, but I get the feeling she was telling stories of a much older vintage. I’ve done a little research myself, but haven’t had much luck.

Green Arrow, Tom Cruise, and Donkey Kong … and the Storyteller Discovered Along the Way

Category : Distractions

As a kid, I had plenty of dreams.

Early on, I aspired to become a race car driver, and I drove my go-cart at breathtaking speeds around the make-believe race track encircling my house. I couldn’t have been more than five years old, but nothing so ordinary as age could stop me. (The dream of racing was, of course, tempered by the equally important dream of becoming the superhero, Green Arrow. Sometimes the go-cart became my arrow-mobile, and as I chewed up dirt and grass around the old homestead, I would sing out, “Green Arrow! Green Arrow! Green Arrow!” all the while wearing a red hooded jacket. Color, like age, didn’t matter. In my heart, the jacket was emerald green.

At some point, photojournalism became my passion. I imagined travelling to exotic locations, snapping shots of dangerous animals, exploring — through photography — fascinating cultures. I didn’t go far without a camera by my side, and for a while I sported one of those multi-pocketed vests all the real camera jockeys wore. I even entered — and won — a photography contest. My winning entry: a photo of an old drill sergeant’s hat sitting at a jaunty angle atop a fire hydrant. I titled it “Hillbilly Hydrant”.

After the release of Red Dawn, I thought only of survival. I bought ninja magazines and mercenary magazines and copies of S.W.A.T. by the box-load at the flea market. I wanted to make sure that when the U.S. was invaded, I’d be ready to don my camo headband, strap my knock-off survivalist knife (with a compass in the stock) to my waist, and hide in the six acres of woods across the street, using my cagey guerilla tactics to thwart the enemy.

A few years passed, and I decided police work was for me. My goal was to join the DEA and bring down big-time drug dealers. If that didn’t work out for me, I thought, I can fall back on my idea of roaming the country in a tricked out Winnebago, righting wrongs and helping the helpless.

I wrote a heavy metal ballad on notebook paper once, so for a while I wanted to be a rocker. I’m certain “I’ve Got the Devil in Me” would have been a #1 hit if I could have gotten the band together. I even came up with a hiphop-infused version, even though we all know “they say rap and metal will never mix …”

… I played a pretty mean game of badminton, and I wondered what it might take to go pro …

… Like almost every other kid who grew up in the eighties, I loved arcades, and I sketched out plans for one of my own on notebook paper. I envisioned days spent surrounded by happy kids and the electronic cacophony of Donkey Kong and Dig Dug and Burger Time …

… I knew — just knew — I’d find success as a special effects make-up artist …

… And Tom Cruise movies convinced me that I wanted to be both a pilot or a bartender … but not at the same time (although that would make a helluva good Tom Cruise movie) …

Somewhere along the way, I developed a love for telling stories.

Storytelling has been with me for as long as I can remember, and I’ll be sharing some of the moments I think helped shape the person — and the writer — I’ve become after (what feels like) a whole lotta years. It’s not a bad idea to reflect a bit on how I got here.

As my sixth grade English teacher used to ask her troublesome students:

“Why are you the way you are?”

Hell if I know, but it’s high time I figured it out. Something like this, though, won’t come to me all at once. But now that I’ve opened the door, I expect the memories will trickle out in bits and pieces, snapshots (perhaps not unlike the “Hillbilly Hydrant”) from the past.

As an adult, I have plenty of dreams, some big, some small. And sometimes, I still think about what I want to be when I grow up (whenever that might be). But storytelling (insomuch as I define it) is the one thing I’ll never shake.

Couldn’t if I tried.

It’s in the blood.

So bear with me over the course of the next few weeks as I ramble about my origins as a storyteller. Maybe you’ll learn more about me than you ever wanted to know. Heck, maybe I will, too.

More later.

Things Cindy Might Say in the Smoky Mountains

Category : Distractions

Some of you may have been lucky enough to meet my wife, Cindy, at one of the conventions she’s attended with me. If you haven’t, let me assure you she is one of the sweetest people you could ever hope to encounter, and if you do meet her, you — like me — will be a better person for it. That said, here’s a snippet of conversation from a recent road trip through the Smoky Mountains:

Cindy: Y’know, I’d like to see a mountain man.

Me: What? Like a guy with a big, bushy beard and a raccoon skin hat?

Cindy: Yeah. A mountain man.

Me: Well, we probably won’t see one while travelling the highway, but if you want I can take one of the side roads. Then we’d almost certainly see one up close and personal.

Cindy: Oh, no. I don’t want to see one up close. I think I’d prefer to see mountain men from a distance.

Me: …

Cindy: Like the Amish.

Signing at Star Clipper – June 27th

Category : Events & Appearances, The Damned

Brian Hurtt and I will be signing copies of The Damned: Three Days Dead trade paperback on Wednesday, June 27th, at Star Clipper Comics in St. Louis. We’ll be there from 4 – 7, so stop by and say hello!

Appearance – HeroesCon 2007

Category : Events & Appearances, The Damned

On June 15, 16, and 17th, I’ll be attending HeroesCon in Charlotte NC. Look for me (along with co-creator of The Damned, Brian Hurtt) in the Indie Island area.