Nightmare Fuel, Issue 215

ISSUE 215: MY MOST GHASTLY EXPERIENCE EVER AT A CONVENTION

I am sorry this edition is a few days late. I was at Planet Comicon over the weekend and I was simply exhausted yesterday. My son messaged me on Saturday afternoon, asking if we could go see the new DUNE movie at the 10:15 PM showing on Sunday night. You know what is brutal after 3.5 days at a convention and a 3 hour drive home? Watching a 2.5 hour movie. But I wouldn’t have missed seeing it with him for the world. The movie was great, by the way.

So was the convention. I always have a goof time at Planet. Met a lot of readers, old and new. Introduced a lot of folks to my work. Told a lot of goofy stories. Made a spectacle of myself. All good fun.

Except…

Something terrible happened. 

I’ll try to get through the story, but it might be tough for me. 

Every day of the show was very busy. There was rarely time for me to get away from the table to grab a bite to eat. During a rare lull, I slipped away from the table and rushed down to the green room. Knowing I had to get back pretty quickly (remember, this was the first stop on the “Send My Son To Violin Camp” tour and I need to be at the table to make cash), I grabbed a paper bag full of food and rushed back to basecamp. 

There, I opened the bag to find a BBQ sandwich. Not the most easily eaten food item for a convention, but I was starving. I would make it work.

Around this time, someone brought me a Stan Lee signed copy of DEADPOOL KILLS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE for me to sign. 

See where this is going?

I waited to eat the sandwich, signed their book, sold them a copy of GHOSTLORE, and sent them on their way.

I sat down to eat my sandwich, but before I could take a bite, a customer walked up with a stack of THE SIXTH GUN for me to sign. The first 5 issues. Tough to find books. 

I used a wet wipe to clean my hands and signed the books. 

Back to the BBQ sandwich. 

As I picked the sandwich up again, I heard an “ahem.”

A customer stood at the table with a CGC-Witness and a stack of books to be slabbed. Since they were paying big money to have these books signed, I didn’t want to make them wait. I signed their books, collected my cash, and said goodbye.

Then… it happened.

I sat down, picked up the sandwich, and took a bite. 

It…

…was…

…made…

…of…

…fruit.

There was no meat on this BBQ sandwich. It was some sort of mashed-up grape foulness, the loathsome consistency and terrifying taste of which will live in my mind forever. With that one bite, I have destroyed my desire for all food and drink for all time. 

As I gagged and threw the sandwich away, a trio of customers approached the table. A couple of them were from England. As I told them my story, one of them said, “Oh, that must have been a Jackfruit sandwich.”

”You—“ I could barely stammer the words. “—knew about this and didn’t warn the world that such an abomination exists?”

I think she thought I was joking.

Anyhow, that’s the worst thing that has ever happened—or will ever happen—to me.

There are mush-grape mimic sandwiches out there masquerading as meat.

You’ve been warned.

The campaign for THE FARAWAY launched around 11:30 AM on Thursday of last week. It was SUPPOSED to launch a little earlier, but—of course—the moment I had chosen to launch was the moment Kickstarter hiccuped. And—of course—that sent me into a rage-filled, self-loathing panic state for a few minutes. But, better late than never, the campaign is live! It reached its funding goal in just under 24 hours, and we’re reaching for some stretch goals! 

It’s a short campaign, and it wraps up in:

If you haven’t had a chance to support the campaign, please consider checking it out and throwing some support our way. This is intended to be the first comic in the Outer Shadows line. The better the campaign does, the more awesome horror comics we’ll be able to bring you!

Also… whenever you pledge, my phone dings cheerily. That makes me happy, because I know a little demon has gotten its wings. 

Guess who’s back?

That’s right. For all the folks who just hate when I write Deadpool content (such as Marvel’s best-selling Deadpool collection ever), I’m coming back to rain on your parade and pee in your corn flakes, this time with a role-playing adventure and comic! 

DEADPOOL ROLE-PLAYS THE MARVEL UNIVERSE is a comic AND an RPG adventure for Marvel’s acclaimed MULTIVERSE ROLE-PLAYING GAME.

It’s one of my first forays into RPGs… and I weep… for there are so few worlds left for me to conquer. Also, the comic features a couple of my favorite characters EVER! The adventure itself is crazy and fun and very, very Deadpool. 

This comes out in July.

Roll some dice, folks.

I am the WORST when it comes to taking photos at conventions, but I have a handful from Planet Comicon to share. 

Before we left for the show, I pre-batched some Old Fashioneds. Buffalo Trace, Simple Syrup, Bitters, a bit of cherry syrup. Add an orange peel and some cherries—good to go!

After we unloaded the show stock, my pal Josh and me headed out to the Peanut. It was close, so we walked it. And we enjoyed the rain along the way. 

Love those gigantic wings at the Peanut! Also… and this is no-cap as the kids might say… the chili at the Peanut is the best I’ve ever tasted!

Okay… so the Peanut didn’t have old fashioneds… so we hoofed it over to Taps on Main for our first of the weekend!

At Taps, Josh and I were joined by our friends Billy and Dan!

And we finished the night off with some delicious old fashioneds at the Drum Room.

Here’s the table set-up at the show!

As always, I brought more stock than I have table space.

The Harrow County board game made its Planet Comicon debut!

As did the Beyond Mortal trading cards!

And the Bunngalow sticker sets!

A dapper little goblin, trying to sell you some books. 

All in all, a pretty busy convention for me! I signed a LOT of books!

I met a lot of robots, like 7-Zark-7 and 1-Rover-1!

My pal Anton and I dared anyone to “Quirk our Sip!”

I really… REALLY… wanted to buy these!

I made some old fashioneds for the Outland Entertainment crew!

And I met “Sid Razor”… who wants to be my new agent. 

All events are subject to change at a moment’s notice, but here is where I’ll be appearing in the next several months!I 

May 31 - June 2, 2024 - TREMENDICON, Springfield, Missouri

June 22, 2024 - ROUTE 66 COMIC AND TOY CONVENTION, Lebanon, Missouri

All Year Long - KICKING ASS AND TAKING NAMES, Worldwide

THE SHOCK SHOP - My online store, where you can find exclusive covers you can only get directly from me!

PATREON - Here, I post a serialized novel, a serialized comic book, short stories, and other cool materials.

CULLEN'S AMAZON STORE - Listen! If you have a local comic shop or bookshop, PLEASE visit them and order your books from them. If you don't have a shop, though, or if you can't get my books from your local bookseller for some reason, this Amazon shop has tons of options. 

RAZE - A place for fans to hang out and talk about comics, books, movies, games, collecting, and whatever else strikes their fancy.